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Moving Out

2009-01-24T21:29:00.003+11:00

Moving Out

This house

i moved in with hopes and plans

the idea seemed so inspiring back then

i thought i knew where i was weak

and what stopped me from being what i wanted to be

but i was shy to tell others who could have helped me

instead i took it on myself

a new start, a new place and a few changes of colors and shades

i had planned and so was arranged

the beginning romance

it was a fresh feeling

full of energy and enjoyment and pictures of a better self almost portrayed

but slowly like the approaching autumn

the greens shed and over took the grays

the seldom sounds around reminded of the spring times

the friends from the past

those who had helped earlier but were kept in dark

about the tainted inner picture

the moments of rejoice bygone recalled me and humbly suggested

"alas, it was not such a grand idea!"

better i was with them

who chastised and expressed disappointment

with when i lost the plot or acted foolish

those who had invested their sincere concerns

but my false ego could not handle any constructive criticism

instead it fooled me

and thus i lied to others

and made the choices

that left me empty, cold and even further away

now as the winters approach and when it rains

it reminds me of the coldness that has sunk into me

and has left no room for any hope

as packed boxes of all old anomalies lays all round

every where on the floor of the heart

and there are few new additions too

in the wardrobe of the mind

all i can do now, i guess

is move out

and hope to be taken back

in the circles of those who had helped

and i am sure will do so again

and help me clear up

the floor, the drawers and the wardrobes

from all that i've been hording for years together

patitanaam pavanebhyo, viashnavebhyo namo namah

2009-01-17T20:17:00.006+11:00

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clock works, kalo asmin..

2008-08-22T19:15:00.006+10:00

clock works, kalo asmin..

i sit in an empty room

every evening, all by myself

and a bucket load of thoughts, dreams, regrets and aspirations

they are mostly from the past, about the present and for the future

of these, my favorite are the gifts of the present

for they are free of any haunts from the past

or any hankerings for the future

time rolls on, moment by moment

it’s a living thing if you are aware of it

for its always with you

moment by moment

until it over takes you

and you dissolve into the oblivion

time, its like my only true companion

who was always there with me

in the hectic days, full of tragedy and fluctuation

it was with me to take away the pain

as if dripping it down the drain

moment by moment

time it was who brought celebrated moments of joy and victory

and taught me lessons which no one shared

and finally brought me down to reality

but not in a cruel way

very silently, subtly, gently, moment by moment

how heartless of me to not acknowledge you dear time

it was a self imposed hypnosis

that I was alone in this empty world

thanks again, that you came and altered

the moods, the colors, the sounds around me

thanks for giving me hope, truth and change

~dreaming ~reality

2008-01-22T17:10:00.000+11:00

If life is just a passing dream

Then what are those that I dream at night?

And what about those I see with open eyes?

Probably they are little sparks

In a speck of flame

Both are there

One inside the other

Just a matter of time

They are there

But of course ending

Both are dying

As a flash of light they say

Your whole life is played

Again at the time

When time stops on You

Death they name it

The End, No More.

How silly!

Indeed it’s a new start

When Your’s is left behind

But You move on

To a new dream

To dream more dreams

To claim new me and mine

But the same old, yet ever new, ‘I’

Dreams are all but imagination

Speculation,

Anticipation of all categorized as desires

It needs correction, projection in a new direction

For the insatiable desires to reach perfection

That is to say, complete satisfaction

But in dreams is it possible?

I doubt

So, let the dreams end!

And reality begin.

Where there is no more false connections

Where life is not a passing dream

A once-upon-a-time story

But the eternity

On the other side of salvation

Where darkness ends

With trance and illumination

For that reality

I shall dream

With these sleepless eyes

Need to want some rest

From this endless journey

Soon enough before this dream ends

Shall I prepare to open my eyes

Dream shall I no more

Reality for all I seek

Amen

Rules of Time

2007-08-13T21:31:00.000+10:00

Rules Of Time

far away there is a star
it shines
gives me hope
for it looks so bright and steady
i imagine there are no troubles
of life and heart
at that place- planet hope
in the open skies
no boundaries
no checks
the stars hang in vacuum
they rest
looks so steady
so quite
at peace
but indeed always spinning
for there are rules for them too
how in life am i to find
some rest and peace?
for the rules of life
and the rules of love
they don't allow
no steadiness
no halt
time- the constant ticker!
the burning flame
it changes things and colors and shades
what we perceive is what we feel
and what we desire is what we get
but time has its own rules
its own plans
its own ideas of you and me
so if time thinks
its time for me
i will be shinny and steady too
so if time thinks good of me
and treats me like a friend
peace and love
i will get too
but never to forget
the higher order
for the rules that guard
stars spinning and seasons changing
happiness and so to say distress
they are subject to rules too
TIME
it never stays the same
it change
so worry not my little heart
whatever it is
will not be the same
good, bad or ugly
time it is
time will change

EVOKE

2007-06-12T16:31:00.001+10:00

E v o k e

The day I was born, that doomed day of severance

I opened my eyes n cried out with fear

Alas I am still here away from my dear,

I was made a part of this celebration,

Nothing else but a lifelong nightmare.

My names, aims, goals and games

All were set and I was made a player

I was taught all the wrong things,

Cheated every step but somehow told it was all fair.

Years passed by, I grew up, to be a part of the herd,

Which had no sense of belonging, offered no sense of care

But somehow I was wandering and addressing my presence

Only to be totally lost and unaware

My unconscious conscious had been trying to awake,

But it was not allowed and was not spared

I had grown into this man who was liked by all

But what a lie it was, such a betrayal

With a vague vision and a half hearted effort

I tried best to break free and come out of this prison

But I was locked in and made to enjoy only to my despair

My actions were impure and thoughts were poisoned

My will was weak and my strength was frail

But then I found the holy names of Krishna

Krishna it was, not just a name, he himself was there

I followed the lead of a few good men

They filled me with courage and asked me to apprehend

My thoughts, my senses, my will and my existence

Now I try again to reach a goal

One destination, one place- back home.

But I still am weak and I need some help

To be on the other side and to leave this hell

I need to chant, I need to hear

The holy names, the fames and forms of hari,

Who resides within and who wants us to dare

He's waiting for us, if only we care

True love, ecstasy, bliss and knowledge

Just a few of the gifts on offer for grab

My focus is weak, my senses are strong

Time to wake up, have had a long nap

You're my father, my guide, my master,

I am such a loner so I also need you as my friend

Reside in my thoughts, O Hari and help me fight,

The demons of ignorance and replace this darkness with light.

Definition of a Soldier

2007-06-12T16:21:00.000+10:00

Definition of a Soldier

Today,

Wars happen everywhere,

Some may win, some may loose.

Some may end with some treaty,

Some die worthless, some for their duty.

Who has lost whom?

Have we thought it rationally?

What does that dead body mean to someone?

Have we got the answer actually?

He was the stick for someone old,

Was precious for them more than gold.

He was the hope, the color, the life of a bride,

The lady now standing in white.

A friend, a mentor, the father of those boys,

The lonesome boys with big tears in their eyes.

For some he's god, so great, so dear,

For some he's hell, a dark nightmare.

His blood is more than blood for us,

But a thing of happiness for others.

For us he's the Sun, rising from east,

For others he is bad, worse than a beast.

Oh! He's a game, a joy, a fame for someone,

But is the sorrow, the tears and cries for someone.

He's our soldier, so brave, so great for us,

But a thing of pride, a medal for others.

Is this the definition of a soldier, OH GOD!

Bless us with peace and cease off the wars.

Cruel, greedy, lying men,

Have caused so much destruction,

What to talk of The Judgment Day,

We'll create our own annihilation?

Defining boarders,

Defining lands,

Defining yours and mine

Crying humanity defines today,

The worst of all crimes.

Defining that man who died alone,

Defining that gruesome sin,

Defining that soldier who's none other,

But our own kith and kin,

Defining the pain, the sorrow, the grin

Defining the true situation

How can peace be ever regained,

When murder is called liberation!

A Tear & A Smile

2007-06-12T16:14:00.000+10:00

A Tear & A Smile

an empty place and a grave sound inside
i seek to answer that knock on the door
of the heart that seldom rests
seeks love and warmth
for they alone are the only hope
in this world full of misery and descent
but yet again
i see the pain
it has to go through
for the smallest pinch
of the greatest joy
to be with one
and not deny
the purity
that's needed
for it to last
would it be true
as a lie it lingers
inside my heart and unrest
could it be true
as a truth from the heavens
inside my mind i accept
but feelings
they let alone
swim inside
disconnected from the mind
the subtle self
it feels
needs that warmth
the thought of the one
who is pure and as such
the one
the only one
who can be pure
yet love as much as one could take
and more than that
feel to stay the same sane beloved giver
of the same love it has received
too dense a thought?
too gray a shade?
love is precious
not a cheap thing
for it alone
can benedict
hail, a healthy smile!
for eternity
and not grow old
as time pass by
and remind of the years that
flew away
coz they all have wings
but i can't fly
so i decide
to sit down
by myself
and let the heart do
its own story telling
to my mind
and hear in reply
few bullet points
desire- the cause of sorrow
disappointment- an opportunity
purity- my life's aim
love- my life's goal
but love from whom
can satisfy
love of what
can never dry
love a dream
or melodrama for the self
in the arena of feelings
too much to ask?
too much to try?
inside its gone too late
cold, empty and grave
but hope is there
and so is peace
and so is the possibility
for now lets dream
dream again
O The empty one
O My precious heart
Your not alone
Your wit Yourself
Don't feel this way
Time it is
Time will change

Seven Years Old

2007-06-12T15:44:00.002+10:00

Seven Years Old

when i was a little boy
i was so happy
just by myself
my simple life
a simple plan
to play and get some smiles
i liked the kites
i liked my friends
in fact i liked everyone
even the rough ones
i'd seek to become a friend
a team, with them too

when i was a little boy
i was so simple
just for the sake their smile
i'd make a fool of myself
in front of everyone
like i always understood
giving is much better
than getting
i liked my mum
but i was scared of dad
and i seek heaps love from them
and even then i knew
how to love back

when i was a little boy
life was so simple
just to school and back to home
play, learn and more play
my friends and pals and mentors
they all were my heroes
and i was their friend too
had no worries
had no troubles
just some chewing gum
n a kite
and half the day will pass
like i always knew
that little happiness
has a sweeter taste

when i was a little boy
i was never alone
everyone loved me and
wanted me
i was popular and was likable
by many many across the years
but where have i lost
those days
those friends
those moments of love and care
where is my blue car
where is my Bat, my piggy bank
and where is my lovely mum
who i won't want to share
feelings have grown up into this
network of disillusions
my hand is empty and
so is my heart
a sadistic view of existence
portrays thy self
and regrets
of the time
i wasted fooling around
as i grew up
from a carefree boy
to a careless man
and the same i get in return
careless- people, times and places
all around me
everywhere
it seems and sounds
as if no one cares
of that little boy
who still is alive
deep down inside
who would love to play and
hold a friend
and love to give a smile
but shame time has magnified
those pure feelings into lust and
envy and greed and anger

i wish to build again
a tree house
and lock myself in there
away from myself
and sit and play
and wait for mum
to call out- "Come down mane, lunch is ready"
why, why, why, why time
why can't you make
an exception
and let me go back
to the sunny day when mum
and i are playing
snakes and ladders
and then she feeds me my
favorite mango desert
how, how, how, how did
i end up here
empty, cold and lonely
Dear Time, please tell
At least please tell me stories
of all those times
for i'v already forgotten
now the mind is rotten
with all but shameful thoughts
i seek to be rescued and
loved again
in the same pure way
God of The Worlds
May I find You
May You fulfill this will
For that is what i pray

Emotion Commotion

2007-06-12T15:40:00.001+10:00

Emotion Commotion

Often times
i wonder where i get these feelings from
On the surface it looks
m happy
but inside i know
i can do better
much better
not fake a smile
but make a smile
and wear it
with pride
for being myself
and for doing the right
things and
choices made
that decide
not a regret later

Time and again
life comes to an intersection
where i need make a selection
should i take the uphill walk?
the walk to peace
the walk to perfection
Or should i go the downhill way?
no time to think
no time to pray
may i seem helpless
then my integrity i slay

Like a blink of an eye
sequence of scenes
like another heart break story
outside may look glamorous
but as a true fact
inside it has no glory
deceiving friends
cheating lies
I Me My
that's all
simply sense gratify
exploitation that's all
of people, minds, times and emotions
All around

Things take place
places change situations
situations brings decisions
decisions that i have to make
its now or never
can't have a break
what to do?
good or bad
that's not even the criteria
m bound
by a hidden obligation
my false pride

O Lord of the Worlds
send me that strength
to deal with my insecure inside
send me that courage
to make the right choice
and send me that wisdom
to discriminate
and not be selfish
and be a part of the rat race
where even if You win
You're still a Rat
there ain't no peace here
there ain't no purity
accept or reject
it stays a fact

But yet i fold my palms
and take a deep breath
and i meditate
on Your supreme self
seeking forgiveness
seeking some strength
and be that better person
that i know i am
deep down somewhere
i know for sure
i can change and take up
the right steps
take up the cure
but until then i ask
not to judge me
not to be impatient
little soul i am
and m trying too
to break free
obligated to pain
no more i'll be

Send me love
please send me some
Send me warmth
its a cold place
Send me care
for i do dare
Bring an end to this sad phase
and wishful
I am
to start again
In hope to find you
The reservoir
of eternity & knowledge & bliss

Servant's Prayer

2007-06-12T15:36:00.000+10:00

Servant's Prayers

Hey Govinda

You are my Lord

Your are the master

I pray to You

At Your Lotus Feet

With the holy name

In my mouth

And on the holy Tulsi Bead

That transcendental

Sound Vibration

The One which is the only hope, the only way

To cleanse the mirror of our heart

So to reach You

In this Kalyug Day

Hey Govinda

I offer obeisance

To You & Prabhupada

You've looked after & would always do

You care, m sure and I always knew

Your holy name it purifies

Can change one's destiny

Please help me be more humble

And bring out the best in me

That devotee of Yours who lives inside

But has been

Taken over by false ego and pride

So please help me be humble

And tolerant indeed

And strength to deal with insult

Devoid of all lust and forsake all greed

Next time, when someone judge me

I'll humbly pray to You inside

So I won't fall pray to

Maya's delight

Within my heart

May Prabhupada

Remind me of You

And my little prayer

To stay humble

And get back into Your service

In my own little ways

But with love I shall do it

Coz that's what we pray

Seeking loving devotional service

Hare Krsna, Hare Ram

before now & after

2007-02-22T12:25:00.001+11:00

before now & after

before you were not here
we were still together
some place, somewhere
i know we can't recall
i know we can't recollect
but m sure before this we have met
and so we meet again
to start from where we left
so
open your eyes
open your heart
open your self
this time, please

the days are passing by
don't let it pass by too
let go off the dream for once
its an illusion
its all an illusion
try see the truth
before we can go together
we have to find out
where are we heading
in this life
and beyond too
i know its not easy
i know its not simple
but we can make it happen
blessed is the man above
for he makes dreams come true
so
open your eyes
open your heart
open your self
to the man above, please

our beauty will be gone one day
and all knowledge be forgotten
all friends and pals be lost to time
to us as well it will happen
for now there is no secret
to the bliss and happiness
all the joy does lie within
just have a look inside
follow your soul
introspect
and then decide
so
open your eyes
open your heart
open your self
to these facts, please

don't be afraid to give up
what not belongs to you
don't live in that imagination
its like a dream
but it never comes true
life is more than
simply 'here and now'
it has a meaning beyond
and to find that out
we've met again
trust me when i tell you this
its not a lucky chance
so
open your eyes
open your heart
open your self
to this chance of life, please

at the end of our days
the only thing that would matter
would it be love or something else?
for if not love
then we should stop
give it a thought
and
wait till we are brought
together to find each other
till we meet again
at some other place, some other day
for some deeper reason, some other way
but would it be better
now that we are here
now that we can
now that i learn the reality
and you can try too
but i won't be judgmental or controlling
i leave it completely up to you
so i ask again
open your eyes
open your heart
open your self
to the real self within, please